This
article is dedicated to all my loved ones who were ever hurt by my words or
deeds. Especially, the ones from whom I am yet to earn my pardon.
To err is human, to forgive is Divine.
Believe or
not, but this phrase is an eternal truth. I may sound like a preacher, but it
won’t affect either the truthfulness or the eternity of it. Not even one bit!
So the best thing for you to do is to read on intently, rather than being
cynical about it.
Before
I commence on the near impossible task of convincing the reader about how
important and beneficial it is to follow the policy of forgiveness, I must make
it clear that the term “forgiveness” implies different things to different
people. Some believe in forgiving the mistakes of their fellow beings;
once, twice…maybe thrice, and then no more. Others can do so innumerable times,
without getting frustrated even once. There are a few who would not mind even blunders
made by others which directly affect them. Again the tolerance level of
most of them is lower than the precious few who are large hearted enough to
allow any number of bloopers. And finally, there are those “rarest of
the rare” divine souls who are gracious enough to forgive anyone for any kind
of sufferings inflicted on them by the culprit. In other words, they have the
courage and an almost inhuman quality, which enables them, somehow, almost
miraculously, to forgive even heinous crimes.
This kind of
ability is born out of years of sustained exposure to goodness in life,
meaningful and sincere prayers, and finally out of a brilliant flash of divine
light within the “giver”, the forgiver, at the time of reckoning when the he is
called on by the soul to decide whether to punish or to pardon the guilty. Most
of the times, when the decision to pardon is made, it eventually turns out that
it was the only time such a brave decision was required. On all subsequent
occasions when such an “opportunity” arises, the giver requires neither a
strong mental or emotional effort, nor does he realise the greatness of his decision
to forgive. It becomes as insignificant as other routine matters. Or rather,
the individual is raised to such a level of spiritual greatness, that at that
height all big deeds are easily attainable.
No one, not
even God, I dare say, can forgive wrongdoing infinitely. But He can do so for a
sufficiently long time, which can be considered as a billion times ahead of the
human capacity. The purpose of explaining all this is to enable the reader to
identify his/her level of tolerance.
So to begin
with the convincing part, let us all first be honest with ourselves. Totally,
completely and cent percent. It is the only way in which “we” can ask the right
questions to “ourselves” and “ourselves” can give “us” the right answers.
Frankly speaking, I cannot convince diabolical souls. Those who are not even
honest with themselves, can hardly be expected to accept, to themselves, as
well as to others, that they have in fact been convinced!
I urge you to
be honest to yourself and ask yourself just a few questions. “Have I ever made
a mistake?” “Have I ever erred in carrying out my basic duties?” “Have I ever
hurt the feelings of a loved one? However unknowingly it may have occurred, but
did I ever…?”. The answer in most cases would be an emphatic “YES”.
Moving on,
you would realise how bad it feels to have erred. Remember the feeling you got
when you realised your last mistake. Remember the frustration that crept over.
And the sense of guilt that followed. But never ever did you care to apologize.
Not even once. You took the other person for granted and never trusted him to
forgive you.
Over the
passage of time you have silenced your scruples and have hidden the guilt the
deepest and the darkest corner of your heart. But you still carry the burden of
it! And surely somewhere inside, it still hurts. When the thought is refreshed,
when the wound is re-opened, when the moment is relived, you surely feel the
excruciating pain of a hundred kilos of iron mounted on your back; crushing
your spine! You want to get it off, don’t you? But you can’t. And you never
will, unless you apologize. This is the state of the mind of an honest person
feeling guilt. Unless you utter the five-letter word called “SORRY” to the
person who was hurt by what you said or did; unless you cleanse yourself by
doing so, you will never be redeemed.
The other
person who deserves the apology from you may be your friend, a family member, a
teacher, neighbour, your boss, colleague, employee, or he may even be a
complete stranger. He may be anyone but that would not make him less deserving
in any way. The fact that he did not reprimand you, in no way implies that he
was not pained by your misdeeds. And if he had indeed expressed his displeasure
to you, and I’m sure if you had blurted out a “sorry” as a reflex action, that
would have been the end of the matter. The question of carrying the guilt
around arises only if he had let you off the hook and you took advantage of it.
So if he has
been gracious enough to realise your fault and yet ignore it, why can’t you
come down a few steps from the podium of your ego, bend a little and apologize?
All you have to do is to walk up to that person and say a sincere “sorry”.
Believe me it is as simple as that, and nowhere close to being “the hardest
word” as Sir Elton John once sang. It would not only relieve you of your burden
of guilt, but would also go a long way in enhancing you image as a human being
in the eyes of the other person.
It may seem
to the reader from the above discussion, that we’ve lost track of the real
issue i.e. giving pardon and its divinity rather than pleading for it. But be
rest assured that the discussion was not at all a waste of time. It was only to
make you understand the other side of it.
I’m sure you
would agree that taking an objective view and given a choice, you would choose
to be in the position of the “giver”, the forgiver, rather than the one who
begs pardon.
So let us
juxtapose your position from the “taker” to the “giver”. Immediately a sense of
relief blows over you. Do you know why? It is because the giver is in a higher
relative position. He gives the pardon and the other takes it. If you were the
giver, your “hand” would be above that of the taker. The taker begs for the
pardon. You do not give it, you donate it! Hence you are akin to a donor and he
is equivalent to a beggar. Just visualise yourself placing alms in the hands of
a beggar and imagine the sense of achievement you feel when you do so!
Feel yourself
as being the one who relieves the beggar by unloading the hundred kilos of iron
he is carrying on his back! Remember? You almost give him a new lease of life
by doing so. And I am sure you know, Who alone in this Universe has the power
to give a new life. Yes, it’s the Great Lord Himself. And for once, you get to
do something similar to what He usually does.
The Lord
gives life and humans take it. You give pardon and the other is obliged. Hence,
you’re the “giver” and he’s the “taker”. And that’s why, it’s human to err, but
divinity lies in forgiveness. It is up to you to raise your level of tolerance
and make yourself nearer to the Divine.
Just for you,
Direct dil se…
Too few words,
So much to say.
All is so wrong,
Maybe I forgot to pray.
Why am I so ugly?
Why are all shades grey?
Just tried to show my true self,
But it ended in dismay.
“SORRY”…my heart is cryin’ out,
Every night & each day.
“Will I ever get my redemption?”
…is what it begs to pray.
Your stone-dead silence is killing
me;
At least say, ”It’s OK”!!!
Say it surely, but mean it too.
And take me back, as if…
I’d gone just a li’l astray.
By - Dhawal Chotai.
